Worst Example Of Pollution !








Worlds First Photo



The worlds first photo was taken by Joseph Niepce in France in 1826. It took an exposure time of 8 hours and is on an 8″x 6.5″ pewter plate. The photo has been on display at the University of Texas since 1964.



The above photo taken by Louis Ducos du Hauron in 1872 is said to be the worlds first color photograph. The photo is of a view of Angouleme in Southern France.

Find more here : http://www.hrc.utexas.edu/exhibitions/permanent/wfp/

Radiation

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww######################MMwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwLLKKMMMM##########################MM####wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwHHHH############################################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwMM################MMHHOOKKLLKKKKOOHHMM##################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooKK############MMKKwwaassssssssssssssssssssaawwKKMM##############wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwssHH##########KKaassssssaaLLOOHHMM##MMMMOOLLaasssssssswwOO##########MM##ww##wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww##########KKaassssaaKKHH######################MMKKaassssssaaKK########MM########wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwLLKK########OOaassssaaHH##################################HHLLssssssaaHH########MM######wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaOO######MMLLssssssssaa########################################wwssssssssLL##############wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwKKLL######HHaassssssssssssHH####################################MMssssssssssssaaMM##############wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwKK######OOssssssssssssssssKK####################################LLssssssssssssssaaHH##############wwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwOO######OOssssssssssssssssssaa####################################aassssssssssssssssssHH############wwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwss######HHssssssssssssssssssssssHH################################OOssssssssssssssssssssaaHH####MM######wwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwMM####HHssssssssssssssssssssssssLL################################wwssssssssssssssssssssssaaMM############wwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwKK######aassssssssssssssssssssssssaa##############################MMssssssssssssssssssssssssssww##############wwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwLL######LLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssOO############################KKssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKK############wwwwwwww
wwwwwwHHHH####HHssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssww############################aassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMM############wwwwww
wwwwwwOO######aassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMM########################HHssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssww############wwwwww
wwwwwwHH####OOssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKK########################wwssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssHH##########wwwwww
wwwwHH######aassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaa######################MMssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssww############wwww
wwwwHH####OOssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssOO####################KKssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMM##########wwww
wwMMHH####LLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssww####################aassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKK############ww
wwMM####MMssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaa##################HHssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaa####MM######ww
wwOO####HHssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssOO################LLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMM####MM####ww
wwHH####LLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLL################ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssOO####MM######
ww######wwssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaaMMOOwwaaaaLLMMKKssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLL############
ww######aassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaawwOOMMHHKKaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaa############
ww####MMssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKK##########MMaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaa############
ww####MMssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLL##############HHssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss############
######HHsssswwLLKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKOOKKMM################wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwaaaaaaaaaassssssMM##########
######HHssss##########################################################KK######################################OOssssMM##########
######HHssssMM####################################MMMM################KK######################################HHssssMM##########
######HHssssMM####################################MMHH################LL######################################HHssssMM##########
######MMssssMM######################################KK##############KKww######################################OOssss############
########aassMM######################################HHLL##########OOssMM######################################OOssaa############
##MM####aassHH########################################OOaaLLOOKKwwaaHH########################################KKssww############
wwKK####LLssOO########################################OOssssssssssww##########################################KKssKK############
wwLL####OOssKK######################################OOssssssssssssssww########################################wwssHH############
##MMMM##MMssww####################################KKssssssssssssssssssaaMM####################################aassMM############
####MM####aass##################################LLssssssssssssssssssssssaaMM################################HHssww##############
####MM####KKssOO##############################wwssssssssssssssssssssssssssaaHH##############################KKssOO############ww
ww####MM####ssaa##########################MMwwssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssOO############################aaaa##############ww
ww####HH####KKssKK######################MMaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKK########################KKssOO##############ww
ww####MM####MMssssMM##################HHaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLL####################MMssaa################ww
wwww####MM####KKssww################OOssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLL##################aassOO##############wwww
wwww######MM####aassLL############KKssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssww##############LLssww##############wwwwww
wwwwww####MM####HHssssKK########KKsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssswwMM########KKssssMM##############wwwwww
wwwwww######MM####OOssssOO####LLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaaMM####OOssssOO################wwwwww
wwwwwwww######MM####LLssssOOLLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaaHHHHssssKK################wwwwwwww
wwwwwwww######MMMM####LLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaassLL##################wwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwww######HH######LLssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKK####MM############wwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwww######HHMM####KKssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKK##################wwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwww########HHMM####OOssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaaHH##################wwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwww########HHHH####MMwwssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLLMM####################wwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww##########MM######OOaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssswwHH######################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww####################OOwwsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssswwHH######################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww######################MMLLaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssswwKKMM##########################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww##############MM##########MMOOKKLLwwaaaaaaaawwLLKKOOMM############################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww##############MMMMMM##################################MM####################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww################MMOOMM####################MM##########################wwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwww####wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww################################################################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwww######wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww########################################################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww##############################################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww##################################wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

What is irony about India?




A Nation where Pizza reaches home Faster than Ambulance & Police..
Where u get Car Loan @ 5% but Education Loan @12%..
Where Rice is Rs.40 bt Sim card is free..
Where people worship Goddess Durga but want 2 kill their girl child..
Olympic shooter wins gold, govt gives 3crore. Another shooter dies fighting wid terrorist, govt pays 1 lac..
Realy, Incredible India.
Itna fwd karo k PM bhi padhe..

XTC

XXXXXXX XXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT CCCCCCCCCCCCC
X:::::X X:::::XT:::::::::::::::::::::T CCC::::::::::::C
X:::::X X:::::XT:::::::::::::::::::::T CC:::::::::::::::C
X::::::X X::::::XT:::::TT:::::::TT:::::T C:::::CCCCCCCC::::C
XXX:::::X X:::::XXXTTTTTT T:::::T TTTTTTC:::::C CCCCCC
X:::::X X:::::X T:::::T C:::::C
X:::::X:::::X T:::::T C:::::C
X:::::::::X T:::::T C:::::C
X:::::::::X T:::::T C:::::C
X:::::X:::::X T:::::T C:::::C
X:::::X X:::::X T:::::T C:::::C
XXX:::::X X:::::XXX T:::::T C:::::C CCCCCC
X::::::X X::::::X TT:::::::TT C:::::CCCCCCCC::::C
X:::::X X:::::X T:::::::::T CC:::::::::::::::C
X:::::X X:::::X T:::::::::T CCC::::::::::::C
XXXXXXX XXXXXXX TTTTTTTTTTT CCCCCCCCCCCCC

Sholay in IT

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting: “Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya “.

Thakur [with anger]: “Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai.”

Kaalia: “Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?”

Thakur: “Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai.”

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: “Ha ha… thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate.”

Veeru shouts: “Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,Kuch bhi kar sakte hain.”

Jay hits his keyboard,then says: “jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .”

AT GABBAR’S DEN…

Gabbar: “Kitne bugs the?”
Kaalia: “Do sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega …aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi… barobar milegi.”

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. “Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?”

Sambaa: “Chhey sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.” [logout - logout - logout].

“Haan ab theek hai… ab tera kya hoga”

Kaalia?”

Kaalia: “Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.”
Gabbar: “To ab documentation kar!

SOFTWARE HUSBAND

Husband : ( Returning late form work ) “Good evening Dear, I’m now
logged in.”
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morn…
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse ?
Husband : Variable not found …
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied …
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being
funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!…
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : Access denied. File in use…
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot

Modern Panchtantra Story

Once upon a time

, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood

( the woodcutter and the axe )

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, ”

Is this your computer ?

” Disappointed by the Goddess’ lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, ” No.”

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said ”

No, not at all !!”

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said “Yes.”

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, “Don’t you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?”

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, “I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !”. So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

********

Moral: If you’re not up-to-date with technology trends, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Company Methods

Cognizant Method :

Hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS method:

Hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM’s metbod:

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour… he dies of unemployment. ..

Syntel Method:

Hire a Cat …
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

MBT method:

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.
Lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:

Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion) holy cow dies in fear of the real lion.

Polaris Method:

hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM)
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Patni method:

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
the lion dies before joining….

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..! !!!

Accenture Method:

*Hire a lion…. **
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL…
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion……

Computer Sayings

• There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
• A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
• The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.
• At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
• Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

• Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
• Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
• Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
• Hit any user to continue.
• I wish life had an UNDO function.

• If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
• It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit in the drive.
• Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait
• 665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast
• I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
• "To know recursion, you must first know recursion"
• Life's unfair - but root password helps!
• Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

• Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
• "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
• Intel: We put the "um..." in Pentium.
• Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says "Click...", wait for the rest of the sentence.
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

• BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
• As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

• All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
• A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.
• "There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true."
• "A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street."

• C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
• A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.
• APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key. Application has reported a "Not My Fault" in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
• "The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a software patch and a user with an idea."

Acronym

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible

13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go

17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.

18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India

19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employ

Movies online

viewer discretion is advised !

http://movies.nabolister.com/

http://www3.alluc.org/alluc/

http://www.plentyofvids.com/

http://www.onlinehorrorguide.com/

http://[content suppressed]/

http://[content suppressed]/

http://www.movieplex.org/

http://onclickvideos.com/

http://www.freemediatv.com/

http://www.moviefather.com/

http://www.davidmovie.com/

Experimental page

my world revolves around you :

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Graphics



what matters how you see yrself :
zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Graphics



be sexy be bold be you

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Graphics




an apple a day wont keep me away :
zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Comments & Graphics



beauty is in the eye of beer holder :


zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Comments & Graphics




you don't know me so don;t judge me

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Comments & Graphics



i have got my eyes on you :

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Comments



to much blood i my cofee system :

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Comments



out og my mind come back in 5 min. :
zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Myspace Cute Graphics

Politics is not a SERVICE anymore but a PROFESSION.

An Important Issue!

Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)

Monthly Salary: Rs. 12,000/-

Expense for Constitution per month: Rs. 10,000/-

Office expenditure per month: Rs. 14,000/-

Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km):

Rs. 48,000/-

(eg. For a visit from South India to Delhi & return: 6000 km)

Daily DA TA during parliament meets: Rs. 500/day

Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times)
(All over India )

Charge for Business Class in flights: Free for 40 trips / year (With wife or P.A.)

Rent for MP hostel at Delhi: Free.

Electricity costs at home: Free up to 50,000 units.

Local phone call charge:

Free up to 1, 70,000 calls...

TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year: Rs. 32,00,000/-

[i.e. 2.66 lakh/month]
TOTAL expense for 5 years: Rs. 1,60,00,000/-

For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years: Rs. 8,54,40,00,000/-



(Nearly 855 crores)


AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES......

This is how all our tax money is being swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities.........

And this is the present condition of our country:



855 crores could make their life livable!!

Think of the great democracy we have…

&

FORWARD

THIS MESSAGE TO ALL REAL CITIZENS OF INDIA.


MAN'S ORIGIN AND EVOLUTION


Ummmmmmm !

Ummmm !











Actually







kya hai k






woh









i hope u understand








actually








i wanna say







woh yeh k











acha ab boloon kya??









hope u dont mind










plz try to understand










bas yeh he tou kehna hai k









ab samajh jaoo










baat bohat chotee hai










woh yeh k









darta hoon k ghusa aa jaye ga apko










uffff kaisay boloon







ok






actually




baat yeh hai k





woh yeh k







ok listen carefully









oooh listen nahin i mean read t carefully









wid full concentration







daekho meray dil main aye is liyay keh raha hoon








sirf 3 words he tou hain





ufffff its too difficult






ok im gonna say





dat




HOW R U????

***************************

Love And Life........ .

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry?
When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in
the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird
and when we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in
mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people
who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still
you care for him,
it's when he ignores you and still you long for him.
It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile
and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies,
you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win
but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize
there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone
more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
not because that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out
that they'd be happier if we let go.

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's
available.
Best to wait for the one you love than one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you
the most,
and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms
and cries when you cry
turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go,
don't believe that letting go means that you love best,instead
fight for your love,
that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go
through life without it.

PROVERBS A-L Joke

1. school ------- yaadein
2.pricipal ------ Jaani Dushman
3.classes ------- kabhi kabhi
4.canteen------- kabhi alvida na kehna
5.course -------- godzilla
6.exams -------- kalyug
7.examination hall---- chamber of secret
8.exam-time ---------- qayamat se qayamt tak
9. question paper --------- paheli
10.answer paper ---------- kora kagaz
11.cheating ---------- aksar/chupke chupke
12. paper out ---------- plan
13.examiner ------------- the killer
14.last exam ----------- independence day
15.paper correction --------- andha kanoon
16.marks ----------- assambhav
17.result ----------- murder
18.pass ------------ ajjoba/ chamatkar
19. fail ----------- devdas
20.supplementary ------- aakhri raasta
21.vacation ------------- waah life hoto aisi

PROVERBS A-L

http://www.quotations.me.uk/famous-adages/index.htm

A bad cause requires many words.
German Proverb

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
Arab Proverb

A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush.
English Proverb

A broken hand works, but not a broken heart.
Persian Proverb

A cat has nine lives.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A clear conscience is a soft pillow.
German Proverb

A close friend can become a close enemy.
Ethiopian Proverb

A closed mouth catches no flies.
Italian Proverb

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
German Proverb

A courtyard common to all will be swept by none.
Chinese Proverb

A dimple on the chin, the devil within.
Gaelic Proverb

A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master.
Russian Proverb

A drink precedes a story.
Irish Proverb

A drowning man is not troubled by rain.
Persian Proverb

A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.
William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)

A forest is in an acorn.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A friend in need is a friend indeed
English Proverb

A friend's eye is a good mirror.
Irish Proverb

A good denial, the best point in law.
Irish Proverb

A good husband is healthy and absent.
Japanese Proverb

A hard beginning maketh a good ending.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

A healthy man is a successful man.
French Proverb

A hedge between keeps friendship green.
French Proverb

A hen is heavy when carried far.
Irish Proverb

A hound's food is in its legs.
Irish Proverb

A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel.
Portuguese Proverb

A hungry man is an angry man.
English Proverb

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on.
French Proverb

A little too late, is much too late.
German Proverb

A loan though old is not gift.
Hungarian Proverb

A lock is better than suspicion.
Irish Proverb

A man does not seek his luck, luck seeks its man.
Turkish Proverb

A man is not honest simply because he never had a chance to steal.
Yiddish Proverb

A man may well bring a horse to the water, but he cannot make him drink.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

A man should live if only to satisfy his curiosity.
Yiddish Proverb

A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly.
Haitian Proverb

A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows all the corners.
Irish Proverb

A penny for your thoughts.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

A penny saved is a penny gained.
Scottish Proverb

A poor beauty finds more lovers than husbands.
English Proverb

A prudent man does not make the goat his gardener.
Hungarian Proverb

A rumor goes in one ear and out many mouths.
Chinese proverb

A silent mouth is melodious.
Irish Proverb

A single Russian hair outweighs half a Pole.
Traditional Russian Saying

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.
Greek Proverb

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Bible - Proverbs 15:1.

A son is a son till he gets him a wife,
But a daughter's a daughter the rest of your life.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A spoon does not know the taste of soup, nor a learned fool the taste of wisdom.
Welsh Proverb

A table is not blessed if it has fed no scholars.
Yiddish Proverb

A teacher is better than two books.
German Proverb

A thief believes everybody steals.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom.
Chinese proverb

A throne is only a bench covered with velvet.
French Proverb

A trade not properly learned is an enemy.
Irish Proverb

A tree falls the way it leans.
Bulgarian Proverb

A white Christmas fills the churchyard.
French Proverb

A wise man hears one word and understands two.
Yiddish Proverb

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
Chinese Proverb

A woman has the form of an angel, the heart of a serpent, and the mind of an ass.
German Proverb

A worthy woman is far more precious than jewels, strength and dignity are her clothing.
Bible - Proverbs 31

Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.
Danish Proverb

Advice should be viewed from behind.
Swedish Proverb

Advice when most needed is least heeded.
English Proverb

After shaking hands with a Greek, count your fingers.
Albanian Saying

Age is honorable and youth is noble.
Irish Proverb

All is well that ends well.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

All things grow with time, except grief.
Yiddish Proverb

An angry man is not fit to pray.
Yiddish Proverb

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

An ass in Germany is a professor in Rome.
Traditional German Saying

An enemy will agree, but a friend will argue.
Russian Proverb

An Englishman will burn his bed to catch a flea.
Turkish Proverb

An ox remains an ox, even if driven to Vienna.
Hungarian Proverb

And old rat is a brave rat.
French Proverb

Anger can be an expensive luxury.
Italian Proverb

Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest.
Malabar Proverb

Anger without power is folly.
German Proverb

Appetite comes with eating.
French Proverb

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
Bible - Proverbs 26:11

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
Bible - Proverbs 23:7

As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.
Bible - Proverbs 25:25.

As mad as a March hare.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

As proud as a peacock.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

As sluttish and slatternly as an Irishwoman bred in France.
Traditional Irish Saying

As the best wine makes the sharpest vinegar, the truest lover may turn into the worst enemy.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

As the big hound is, so will the pup be.
Irish Proverb

As we live, so we learn.
Yiddish Proverb

Be neither intimate nor distant with the clergy.
Irish Proverb

Beggars shouldn't be choosers.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

Better give a penny then lend twenty.
Italian Proverb

Better late than never.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

Better no doctor at all than three.
Polish Proverb

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.
English Proverb

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
Chinese Proverb

Better wear out shoes than sheets.
Scottish Proverb

Between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Beware of a silent dog and still water.
German Proverb

Black as hell, strong as death, sweet as love. (About coffee.)
Turkish proverb

Blood is thicker than water.
English Proverb (17th Century)

Both your friend and your enemy think you will never die.
Irish Proverb

Butter would not melt in her mouth.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
Indian Proverb

Children are poor men's riches.
English Proverb

Children should be seen and not heard.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Children suck the mother when they are young and the father when they are old.
English Proverb.

Choose neither a woman nor linen by candlelight.
Italian Proverb

Climb mountains to see lowlands.
Chinese Proverb

Clogs to clogs in three generations.
English Proverb

Clouds gather before a storm.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Commit a sin twice and it will not seem a crime.
Jewish Saying

Curiosity killed the cat.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Darkness reigns at the foot of the lighthouse.
Japanese Proverb

Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
Chinese Proverb

Death always comes too early or too late
English Proverb

Death closes all doors.
English Proverb

Death pays all debts.
English Proverb

Did hogs feed here or did Lithuanians have a feast here?
Traditional Polish Saying

Do not be born good or handsome, but be born lucky.
Russian Proverb

Do not blame God for having created the tiger, but thank him for not having given it wings.
Indian Proverb

Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
African proverb

Do not rejoice at my grief, for when mine is old, yours will be new.
Spanish Proverb

Do not speak of secrets in a field that is full of little hills.
Hebrew Proverb

Do not talk Arabic in the house of a Moor.
Oriental Proverb

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
Chinese Proverb

Don't imitate the fly before you have wings.
French Proverb

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Eat well, drink in moderation, and sleep sound, in these three good health abound.
Latin Proverb

Epigrams succeed where epics fail.
Persian Proverb

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.
Bible - Proverbs 17:28

Even a small thorn causes festering.
Irish Proverb

Every ass loves to hear himself bray.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Every cloud has a silver lining.
English Proverb

Every dog hath its day.
English Proverb

Every garden may have some weeds.
English Proverb

Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.
Yiddish proverb

Everyone loves justice in the affairs of another.
Italian Proverb

Everyone pushes a falling fence.
Chinese Proverb

Evil enters like a needle and spreads like an oak tree.
Ethiopian Proverb

Evil is sooner believed than good.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald.
Eastern Proverb

Fame is a magnifying glass.
English Proverb

Feather by feather the goose can be plucked.
French Proverb

Fine feathers make fine birds.
English Proverb

Flattery makes friends and truth makes enemies.
Spanish Proverb

Fortune is a woman; if you neglect her today do not expect to regain her tomorrow.
French Proverb

Fortune is blind, but not invisible.
French Proverb

Friends are like fiddle strings, they must not be screwed too tight.
English Proverb

Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom.
French Proverb

Friendship is a furrow in the sand.
Tongan Proverb

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever.
Chinese Proverb

Give neither counsel nor salt till you are asked for it.
Italian Proverb

Give the devil his due.
English Proverb

Glutton: one who digs his grave with his teeth.
French Proverb

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
Jewish Proverb

God gives the nuts, but he doesn't crack them.
German proverb

God heals, and the physician takes the fee.
French Proverb

God help the rich man, let the poor man beg!
Old English Proverb

God help the rich, the poor can look after themselves.
Old English Proverb

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.
Chinese Proverb

Good advice is often annoying, bad advice never.
French Proverb

Good as drink is, it ends in thirst.
Irish Proverb

Good luck beats early rising.
Irish Proverb

Gray hairs are death's blossoms.
English Proverb

Half a loaf is better than none.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

Haste makes waste.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

Have a horse of your own and then you may borrow another's.
Welsh Proverb

He is not wise that is not wise for himself.
English Proverb

He lied like an eyewitness.
Russian Insult

He makes his home where the living is best.
Latin Proverb

He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good.
Jewish Proverb

He that is born to be hanged shall never be drowned.
French Proverb (14th century)

He that is rich will not be called a fool.
Spanish Proverb

He that lives on hope will die fasting.
North American Proverb

He that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.
Bible - Proverbs 28:20.

He that marries for money will earn it.
American Proverb

He that plants thorns must never expect to gather roses.
English Proverb

He that seeks trouble never misses.
English Proverb (17th century)

He that spareth his rod hateth his son.
Bible - Proverbs 24

He that winna be ruled by the rudder maun be ruled by the rock.
Scottish Proverb

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Chinese proverb

He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them.
Chinese proverb

He who comes with a story to you brings two away from you
Irish Proverb

He who could foresee affairs three days in advance would be rich for thousands of years.
Chinese Proverb

He who does not know one thing knows another.
Kenyan Proverb

He who gets a name for early rising can stay in bed until midday.
Irish Proverb

He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything.
Arabian Proverb

He who has once burnt his mouth always blows his soup.
German Proverb

He who holds the ladder is as bad as the thief.
German Proverb

He who knows nothing, doubts nothing.
Spanish Proverb

He who leaps high must take a long run.
Danish Proverb

He who rides a tiger is afraid to dismount.
Chinese Proverb

He who serves two masters has to lie to one.
Portuguese Proverb

He who sups with the devil has need of a long spoon.
English Proverb

He who would climb the ladder must begin at the bottom.
English Proverb

He who would eat in Spain must bring his kitchen along.
Traditional German Saying

He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star.
William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)

Heaven lent you a soul Earth will lend a grave.
Chinese Proverb

Honesty is the best policy.
English Proverb

How many will listen to the truth when you tell them?
Yiddish Proverb

Hygiene is two thirds of health.
Lebanese Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will wear a proud look.
Japanese Proverb

If a man deceives me once, shame on him; if he deceives me twice, shame on me.
Italian Proverb

If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
Yiddish Proverb

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
Jewish Proverb

If rich people could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.
Yiddish Proverb

If the patient dies, the doctor has killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him.
Italian Proverb

If two men ride a horse, one must ride behind.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people.
Chinese Proverb

If you believe everything you read, better not read.
Japanese proverb

If you bow at all bow low.
Chinese Proverb

If you do not sow in the spring you will not reap in the autumn.
Irish Proverb

If you love him, don't lend him.
Polish Proverb

If you take big paces you leave big spaces.
Burmese Proverb

If you want to be criticized, marry.
Irish Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir.
Romanian Proverb

If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words.
Chinese Proverb

In a calm sea every man is a pilot.
Spanish Proverb

In America half an hour is forty minutes.
German Proverb

In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse.
Greek Proverb

In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek.
French Proverb

Instinct is stronger than upbringing.
Irish Proverb

It is a bad hen that does not scratch herself.
Irish Proverb

It is a bold mouse that nestles in the cat's ear.
English Proverb

It is a long road that has no turning.
Irish Proverb

It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust nobody.
English Proverb (18th century)

It is an ill wind that blows nobody any good.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

It is better to be a male for one day than a female for ten.
Kurdish Proverb

It is better to be born a beggar than a fool.
Spanish Proverb

It is better to conceal one's knowledge than to reveal one's ignorance.
Spanish Proverb

It is better to exist unknown to the law.
Irish Proverb

It is better to sit down than to stand, it is better to lie down than to sit, but death is the best of all. (About laziness)
Indian Proverb

It is hard to pay for bread that has been eaten.
Danish Proverb

It is not a secret if it is known by three people.
Irish Proverb

It is not enough to run, one must start in time.
French Proverb

It is not fish until it is on the bank.
Irish Proverb

It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats.
Russian proverb

It is sweet to drink but bitter to pay for.
Irish Proverb

It is the good horse that draws its own cart.
Irish Proverb

It is the quiet pigs that eat the meal.
Irish Proverb

It takes time to build castles. Rome wan not built in a day.
Irish Proverb

It's an ill wind that blows no good.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

It's not a matter of upper and lower class but of being up a while and down a while.
Irish Proverb

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.
Chinese Proverb

Keep a thing for seven years and you'll find a use for it.
Irish Proverb

Kill not the goose that lays the golden eggs.
English Proverb

Lack of resource has hanged many a person.
Irish Proverb

Last ship, best ship.
English Proverb

Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one.
Chinese Proverb

Lend your money and lose your friend.
English Proverb

Let sleeping dogs lie.
English Proverb

Let your heart guide your head in evil matters.
Spanish Proverb

Life is a bridge. Cross over it, but build no house on it.
Indian Proverb

Life without a friend is death without a witness.
Spanish Proverb

Like a fish out of water.
Latin Saying

Like a lame man's legs that hang limp is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.
Bible - Proverbs 26:7

Listen to the sound of the river and you will get a trout.
Irish Proverb

Little pitchers have big ears.
Proverb of Unknown Origin

Live with wolves, and you learn to howl.
Spanish Proverb

Look before you leap.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

Look down if you would know how high you stand.
Yiddish Proverb

Love enters a man through his eyes, woman through her ears.
Polish Proverb

Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass.
French Proverb

Love me, love my dog.
John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)

Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence.
Chinese proverb

Love, pain, and money cannot be kept secret; they soon betray themselves.
Spanish Proverb

Luck has a slender anchorage.
English Proverb

FACTS !

1) The ringtone "Nokia tune" is actually based on a 19th century guitar work named "Gran Vals" by Spanish musician Francisco Tárrega. The Nokia Tune was originally named "Grande Valse" on Nokia phones but was changed to "Nokia Tune" around 1998 when it became so well known that people referred to it as the "Nokia Tune."

2) The world's first commercial GSM call was made in 1991 in Helsinki over a Nokia-supplied network, by Prime Minister of Finland Harri Holkeri, using a Nokia phone.

3) Nokia is currently the world's largest digital camera manufacturer, as the sales of its camera-equipped mobile phones have exceeded those of any conventional camera manufacturer.

4) The "Special" tone available to users of Nokia phones when receiving SMS (text messages) is actually Morse code for "SMS". Similarly, the "Ascending" SMS tone is Morse code for "Connecting People," Nokia's slogan. The "Standard" SMS tone is Morse code for "M" (Message).

5) The Nokia corporate font (typeface) is the AgfaMonotype Nokia Sans font, originally designed by Eric Spiekermann. Its mobile phone User's Guides Nokia mostly used the Agfa Rotis Sans 6) In Asia, the digit 4 never appears in any Nokia handset model number, because 4 is considered unlucky in many parts of Southeast/East Asia.

7) Nokia was listed as the 20th most admirable company worldwide in Fortune's list of 2006 (1st in network communications, 4th non-US company).

8. Unlike other modern day handsets, Nokia phones do not automatically start the call timer when the call is connected, but start it when the call is initiated. (Except for Series 60 based handsets like the Nokia 6600)

9) Nokia is sometimes called aikon (Nokia backwards) by non-Nokia mobile phone users and by mobile software developers, because "aikon" is used in various SDK software packages, including Nokia's own Symbian S60 SDK.

10) The name of the town of Nokia originated from the river which flowed through the town. The river itself, Nokianvirta, was named after the old Finnish word originally meaning sable, later pine marten. A species of this small, black-furred predatory animal was once found in the region, but it is now extinct. font.

How to Catch a LION

Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.



Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will
get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.


Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.




Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its
a lion.

bet u can't stop laughing

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. what is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.


Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Boy.: '36'.


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.


Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'


Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'


Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum


Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands


Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent


Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring


Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose



Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow


Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck



Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork


Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.


Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
IIT or IIM ,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Acronym Definition

POD Pay On Demand
POD Proof Of Delivery
POD Pacific Ocean Division (USACE)
POD Package Outline Drawing
POD Packet Over DSL
POD Parachute Opening Device
POD Parent Of the Day
POD Parts on Demand
POD Party of Death (book)
POD Passed Out Drunk
POD Past Over Dosed
POD Path Of Daggers
POD Patient Own Drugs
POD Pay On Delivery
POD Pay or Die (role playing game)
POD Payable on Death
POD Payable on Death (band name)
POD Payment on Delivery
POD Peace Out Dawg
POD Per Our Discussion
POD Percent of Decrease
POD Permissible Operating Distance
POD Personal Operable Device
POD Personnel On Duty
POD Perspectives of Difference
POD Pfeffer Outpatient Disability Scale
POD Phase Opposition Disposition
POD Phase-Only Digitized
POD Pick of Destiny (Tenacious D movie/album/song)
POD Picture of the Day
POD Piece Of Data
POD Ping of Death (type of hacking/network attack)
POD Pious or Overly Devotional (blog slang)
POD Place of Dolphins (chat server)
POD Plain Old Data (programming, especially C++)
POD Plain Old Document
POD Plain Old Documentation (Perl)
POD Plan Of the Day
POD Planar Optical Display
POD Planar Orthogonal Drawing
PoD Plane of Disease (gaming)
POD Play on Demand (Line 6)
POD Playable on Death (band)
POD Point of Demarcation
POD Point of Departure
POD Point of Deployment (module; television cable industry)
POD Point of Destination (navigation)
POD Point Of Destitution
PoD Point of Destruction (computer gaming clan)
POD Point of Development
POD Point of Difference
POD Point of Discharge
POD Point of Dispensing
POD Point of Distribution
POD Point of Divergence (alternate history)
POD Point-Of-Deployment (cable TV)
POD Point/Port of Delivery
POD Pool of Darkness (Dungeons & Dragons computer game)
POD Porpoise Detector (static acoustic monitoring instrument)
POD Port Of Debarkation
POD Port of Departure
POD Port of Discharge (shipping)
POD Post Of Duty
POD Post Office Department
POD Post Operation Day
POD Post-Operation Debriefing
POD Post-Orgasmic Depression
POD Post-Orgasmic Disgust
POD Postoperative Day
POD Pouch of Douglas
POD Power of Darkness
POD Precise Orbit Determination
POD Pressure Operated Directional (valve)
POD Priest of Discord (Everquest)
POD Prince Of Darkness
POD Print On Demand
POD Probability Of Damage
POD Probability Of Detection
POD Problem of the Day
POD Process Operational Diagram
POD Process Oriented Description
POD Processing of Data
POD Processor on Demand
POD Procurement Office Desktop
POD Product of Desire (UK clothing company)
POD Program Objectives Document (DCAA)
POD Program Operation Description
POD Program Operational Date
POD Programmable Option Devices
POD Programmatorische Overheidsdienst
POD Programmer on Duty (help desk)
POD Project Operations Director
POD Project Overview Document
POD Proof Of Deposit
POD Proof of Design
POD Proof of Development
POD Proper Orthogonal Decomposition
POD Protective Oceanic Device
POD protocol option device
POD Publish on Demand
POD Packet of Disconnect
POD Personal on Demand
POD Personal Open Directory
POD Personal Option Digital
POD Portable on Demand
POD Power on Diagnostics
POD Primary Output Device
POD Publishing on Demand

Professionals

Some professions

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Queer Quotes

1. Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?" -- Jon Stewart

2. The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates a draft we can all declare homosexuality instead of running off to Canada. --Lorne Bloch

3. When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. --From the tombstone of a gay Vietnam veteran

4. The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. --Lynn Lavner

5. My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I'm giving them my share. --Rita Mae Brown

6. Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons. --Letter to the Editor, The Advocate

7. You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight. --Barry Goldwater

8. If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." --Robin Tyler

9. Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? --Ernest Gaines

10. War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting? --The Value of Families

11. I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother. --Charles Pierce, 1980

12. That word "lesbian" sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they're sure that they're the cure. --Denise McCanles

13. As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children. --Anita Bryant, 1977

14. If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters. --Anita Bryant

15. The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. --Dennis Miller

16. Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole. --Judy Carter

17. My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. --W. Somerset Maugham

18. Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't. --Author Unknown

19. I am reminded of a colleague who reiterated, "all my Homosexual patients are quite sick" - to which I finally replied "so are all my heterosexual patients." --Ernest van den Haag, psychotherapist

20. When it comes to exploring the sea of love, I prefer buoys. --Andrew G. Dehel

21. If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic." --Shelly Roberts

22. My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it. --Amanda Bearse

23. Some women can't say the word Lesbian...even when their mouth is full of one. --Kate Clinton

33 Names of Things You Never Knew had Names

1. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace.
2. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing.
3. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits.
4. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils.
5. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes.
6. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair.
7. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place.
8. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade.
9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.)
10. JARNS,
11. NITTLES,
12. GRAWLIX,
13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books.
14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.
15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.
16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate's academic hood.
17. MINIMUS - The little finger or toe.
18. NEF - An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship.
19. OBDORMITION - The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is 'asleep'.
20. OCTOTHORPE - The symbol '#' on a telephone handset. Bell Labs' engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe.
21. OPHRYON - The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.
22. PEEN - The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face.
23. PHOSPHENES - The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball.
24. PURLICUE - The space between the thumb and extended forefinger.
25. RASCETA - Creases on the inside of the wrist.
26. ROWEL - The revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs.
27. SADDLE - The rounded part on the top of a matchbook.
28. SCROOP - The rustle of silk.
29. SNORKEL BOX - A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars.
30. SPRAINTS - Otter dung.
31. TANG - The projecting prong on a tool or instrument.
32. WAMBLE - Stomach rumbling.
33. ZARF - A holder for a handleless coffee cup.

Ways to annoy people in a conversation

Stare at the person’s nose while they are talking.
Repeat everything the person said before responding.
Ask the person to repeat themselves constantly.
Walk in circles around the person as you talk.
Make random hand gestures, like pointing at the person’s feet.
Stick out your tongue when the person isn’t looking.
Use a different name every time you refer to the person.
Start dancing for no apparent reason.
Blink your eyes one at a time.
Switch languages now and then. If you only know one, make up words.
Bring up things that have nothing to do with your what you’re talking about.
When the person is about to make their point, seem completely uninterested.
No matter what the person you’re talking to says, respond with “And then…”.

FAMOUS QUOTES !

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.
-Benjamin Franklin

Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
-Hal Borland

The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!
-Edward Payson Powell

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
-Oprah Winfrey

“The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.”
-W.H. Auden


Someone Asked Swami Vivekanand.

"What is Poison..?"

He gave a Great Answer.

"Everything Excess in Life is Poison."


People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
-------------------------------------------

Everyone has problems, some are just better at hiding them.
Unknown
-------------------------------------------

If we did all the things that we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
Thomas Edison
-------------------------------------------

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Dennis P. Kimbro
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #5
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
Thich Nhat Hahn
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #6
Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.
Stephen Vincent Ben t
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #7
Only by going too far can one possibly find out how far one can go.
Jon dyer
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #8
People only see what they are prepared to see.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #9
Don't be afraid to fail because only through failure do you learn to succeed.
Unknown
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #10
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #11
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself
Unknown
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #12
The tongue weighs practically nothing,
But so few people can hold it.
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #13
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #14
Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #15
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #16
Many people will walk in and out or your life,
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #17
To handle yourself, use your head, To handle others, use your heart.
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #18
He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses more; He who loses faith, loses all.
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #19
If someone betrays you once, it's his fault.
If he betrays you twice, it's your fault.
-------------------------------------------
Famous Quote #20
God Gives every bird it's food,
But he does not throw it into it's nest.
-------------------------------------------

=====================================================================================
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
--Timothy Walsh

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
--Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

What Not to Say to the Police

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. Hey wait a second...I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

25 Ways to Annoy the Pizza Guy

1. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
2. Ask for extra homo-sapien
3. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
4. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
5. Ask them if you get a free date with one of the staff if you make an order over $30.
6. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
7. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Order a one-inch pizza.
10. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
11. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
12. Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this time or you will sue.
13. Change your accent every three seconds.
14. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
15. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
16. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
17. Imitate the order taker's voice.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
20. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
21. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
22. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
25. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

Technologically challenged

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and going across the room to close the door.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the mouse!
11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12.True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard.

Jokes !

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to
the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times
three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times
three?"

"Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did
you get that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."


=========

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die".

1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.

2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.

3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.

4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.

"You're going to die," she replied.


===================

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL says I love you, She means it. When a GIRL says "i miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than her.

============================================


A wife was helping her husband to set-up his Computer. The husband was in a cheeky mood so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it obvious to his wife that he was typing in the word "penis" as password. His wife fell over from laughter when the computer replied: "Password rejected - not long enough".

===================


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen: "Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."


=====================


Wife stands infront of her mirror and said to her husband: ”I am fat, old and no longer pretty. I am wrinkled and my breasts hang..Give me a compliment“ when he replied:

“Your eyesight is still excellent though!“

============


Different Phases of a man:
>After engagement: Superman
>After Marriage: Gentleman
>After 10 years: Watchman
>After 20 years: Doberman
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
>There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of
Women'?
>Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: Everything
>and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
>A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
>A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

========================

Bruce Lee Profile

1. Favorite vegetable
* Mu Lee


2. Favourite Lunch
* Tha Lee


3. What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?
* Kha Lee


4. Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
* Saa Lee


5. Favorite Breakfast
* Id Lee


6. Favourite festival
* Diwa Lee


7. Favorite Actress
* Sona Lee


8. Favorite Music
* Qawa Lee


9. Most interesting job?
* Coo Lee


10. When did Bruce Lee die?
* Fina Lee


11. How did Bruce Lee die?
* With a Go Lee


12. Favorite hill station
* Kulu Mana Lee


13. Nick name?
* Mawa Lee


14. Favori te Hindi movie?
* Gharwa Lee Baharwa Lee


15. Favourite cricketer?
* Saurav Gangu Lee


16. Favourite Pet
* Bil Lee


17. Favourite Passtime
* Khuj Lee


18. Bathing Place
* Na Lee


Sab Maaro
* Taa Lee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=====================================

HI! GuD MOrNing! KeEp SmIliNG![P] A FUNNY INTER!
Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Offi : Tell Me Properly
Candi : Mohan Pal Sir
Offi : Your Father's Name ?
Candi : M P. Sir
Offi : What Does That Mean ?
Candi : Manmohan Pal Sir
Offi : Your Native Place
Candi : M P. Sir
Offi : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candi : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Offi : What Is Your Qualification?
Candi : M P. Sir
Offi : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candi : Metric Pass
Offi : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candi : M P. Sir
Offi : And What Does That Mean ?
Candi : Money Problem Sir
Offi : Describe Your Personality
Candi : M P. Sir
Offi : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candi : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture...

=============================

Girls for all
HARD-DISK Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.


RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.


WINDOWS Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.



SCREENSAVER Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!


INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.



SERVER Girls:
Always busy when you need her.



MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.



CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.



E-MAIL Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.



VIRUS Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expect


=============


You`ve Got Male

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to findout anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"

powered by Blogger | WordPress by Newwpthemes | Converted by BloggerTheme